I wrote this poem while on Silent Retreat. I have often felt an incredible weight of grief upon my chest since I was saved, and my pastor had explained to me that it may be the gift of mercy. That we may at times feel what it is that God feels for His people as he calls us to act. 

On this particular day I felt the weight of grief, and I put pen to paper to capture it…


Like waves lapping at my chest when I’ve gone out just far enough.

Tippy-toes clinging to the sand below as waves sway me back and forward. Threatening to pull me off centre.

Forward, and I might drown. Lost to the world forever.

Back, and I might retreat in fear. Back to the comfort of the shore.

Like a spinning top…Carefully balanced…My God has set me in motion. Spinning me gently from head to toe like a ballerina in a box. Ready to spring in to action, but then gently I turn to His music.

For I am God’s secret weapon. Beautifully poised, gently balanced, ready to therapeutically pounce.

Perhaps I venture out too far? All or nothing. Just one step back from oblivion would plant my feet in darkness deep, and anchor me to His cause.

I’m here to find the lost. To fish in the deep for men and women. I’m here to bring them Home. His grief reminds me so.